There are two ways in which people can share a relationship. One is, they are conflict free they have found peace within themselves, they are happy people, they have discovered love in them, and from that place of love, from that place of joy they actually relate. All these higher state of consciousness- joy, love bring about connectedness.
The other way of relationship, which you can see in many cases, which is the usual conflicted relationship, where you are relating because you want to run away from the conflict. There is discomfort within, there is lack of peace within and you are struggling with so many things within you and the only way to evade this is to somehow seek out another and expect them to heal or expect them to be kind to you, to share love with you so that in their company you can forget your conflicts. This relationship will be turbulent, at times you deeply feel loved, you feel deeply accepted, but eventually your inner conflict will take over.
What can liberate you, is the process of self awareness, when you start paying attention to your emotions to your thoughts, specifically in moments of emotional disturbances or insecurity, if instead of projecting out from those conflicted state, instead of blaming somebody for that conflicted state, if you were to move your attention inwards and really starts asking yourself - what is this emotion all about, why am I so conflicted? What am I really thinking? If you start paying attention you will discover a lot about what you are internally. We all know what we are externally but we may not so totally know what we are internally. And if there is a huge divide between our external personality and internal reality that itself is going to be the cause of conflict because you are something inside and something outside. When there is awareness, there is merging of these two sides of the individual. Your external world is aligning with your internal world therefore conflict ceases.
The foremost realization one has to have not only in relationship but in life is that, people or external situations could provide you with comfort but they really cannot create happiness or love within you. Happiness or love is always personal discovery. The characteristic feature of a relationship that is from a conflicted place is that there is a lot of expectations for love from the other. And why do we really expect love from the other – because we some how believe that the other has the responsibility of liberating me of my suffering which is a huge responsibility and no one can really take this responsibility.
Every individual has to be personally responsible for their own happiness. No one or no situation can cause you to suffer. When we are talking of suffering we don’t mean external suffering for which people can be responsible but we are talking of internal suffering. How are you emotionally responding, what are you feeling in those moments of emotional crises.
No one can cause me to suffer like wise no one can free me of my suffering. If it is an external challenge yes all of us can come together and can solve it but if it is an internal state which I have created due to wrong application of thoughts how can somebody come and bail me out. It’s only my awareness that can set me free and that is the spiritual process and that is the spiritual journey. It starts with the realization that your happiness is in your hands and you can set your self free whenever you choose to.
